Just Like Me - Open letter to my Unknown Iranian Friend

Hi!

My name is Judit. You don't know me, but that should not be a problem. I know you.

• I know, that you wake up in the morning, getting ready to tackle the day, grabbing that cup of coffee, just like me.
  
• I know, that you worry how you are going to make it on time in that horrendous traffic, just like me.
  
• I know, that you may have a challenging day ahead at work, just like me.
   
• I know, you want to grab a delicious lunch and enjoy some down time away from work, just like me.
  
• I know, you will get annoyed if your computer crashes, just like me.
  
• I know, you are planning your weekend to be with your friends and family, just like me.
  
• I know, you love the World Cup, just like me.
  
• I know, you enjoy your movies, just like me.
  
• I know, you laugh at a good joke, just like me.
  
• I know, you marvel about nature's beauty, just like me.
  
• I know, you love taking trips, just like me.
  
• I know, you love to sing, just like me.
  
• I know, you can't wait to eat a great home-cooked meal, just like me.
  
• I know you love, just like me.
  
• I know deep down, you don't hate me, you don't want to kill me, neither do I.
  
• I know you respect your culture that has spanned over 6 millennium, just like me.
  
• I just hope, that one day I can show my home to you and you will do the same. 

My name is Judit.  You don't know me, but I do.

Arrivals

Since I was a child I have loved airports. To me, airports represented freedom in a pure form. Growing up in Hungary in the 70s and 80s, most of us could only dream about getting on a plane and see the world. The closest to be around a plane was to go to the airport and watch them take off.

Fast forward a couple of decades and I can say, I have been lucky to be at many airports around the world. I love the organized chaos, the streaming flow of people, even the security checks. The airport is a reflection of the world.

I like to observe, take in the non verbal information people give out. There are distinct differences if you are at arrivals or departures. I was picking up my Mom couple of months ago, and while I had to wait for her over an hour, I had the chance to study the people around me.

It was obvious, Arrivals are a happy place to be. You could feel the anticipation, the excitement. Little kids were anxiously awaiting the arrival of grandparents whom they may have never met before. Wives waiting for husbands, and parents waiting for their adult children to come home at last. Loved the hugging scenes, the flowers and balloons, the pure joy I saw on people's faces. I was no exception, when I saw my Mom I ran and hugged her tight.

Arrivals is a re-unification place, where miracles happen. So, next time you go to the airport; just look around you and see the smiles, the tears and hugs.

If you have a great Arrivals story, please share it with me!

The summer that wasn't

I don't know what happened, must have been the planets. Something was going down in the Summer of 2014. If I say, this summer was one of the most supercharged, violent, unstable and unpredictable summers, many will agree with me.

Not even the FIFA World Cup could lessen tensions around the globe. The tally of Summer 2014 is quite disheartening. Passenger plane shot down over Europe in peace time, Iron Dome in action daily in Israel, human shields formed in the name of ideology,  ISIS beheading children and women on an ongoing bases, civil unrest in Ferguson, and to top it off Ebola is no longer confined to one country only.

It seems, this summer was not a carefree one. It also seems we got a preview what the battle between Good and Evil will look like. I know, I know the world has never been a quite place, but somehow this summer magnified it. Good thing it went by so fast, the summer that wasn't.

 

Mother's Day

I am not a fan of having one dedicated day a year to celebrate something significant. I do understand however, the symbolism of those days. One very important and dear to my heart celebration is coming up this Sunday, Mothers's Day.

We all know that mothers ought to be celebrated every day 24/7. Motherhood is the toughest job a woman can hold. Motherhood is also the most selfish position one can imagine. Becoming or not becoming a mom is a woman's prerogative. Once we do decide to plunge into it, nobody can stop us (sorry guys, not even you).

Most people have a preconceived notion what a mother should be, but as in all things in life, mothers come in different shapes, sizes  and views. We are not made by one mold, we are truly unique. The rainbow of mothers stretch from the iconic selfless ones to those who had the courage and heroism to give their children a better life by giving them up. In my eyes, mothers are superheroes. Motherhood is also bringing out our deepest insecurities and fears. There is no manual on how to be a good Mom, we are all doing our best and hope at the end of the day we did manage to give something precious and long lasting to our children.

Perfection, although desirable, is non existent. It is a waste of time to chase after an ideal, manufactured out of myth, fed by our own guilt. Motherhood is not a competition, it is an opportunity  given to ourselves to create something amazing and exciting. 

To my fellow mothers, no matter what situation you are in, you are a good Mom!!!! Don't ever forget that!

Happy Mother's Day!

  

The 4 AM test

Sometimes I feel like I am a spider sitting in the middle of my web spun of cyber connections. I am connected, spend quite considerable time on social networks and have the urge to post at least once daily. I do not want to think of myself as a cyberspace junkie, but take my internet away and I might have withdrawal symptoms.

Connections are important, we are not meant to live in a vacuum or a deserted island. Information comes through those connections like swarming bees. Sometimes, you don't even know where to look first. You click on the "accept" button and your cyber-world has grown again. It is like the universe, infinitely expanding  into the unknown. Some of us like to "collect" connections and are in a quasi competition (no one knows against whom) to acquire an incredible amount of "friends".   I am pretty sure a new field of psychology/psychiatry will evolve (if haven't already) dealing and treating cyber disorders.

Coming back to "friends", I have just checked and  I have over 700 in my slice of the cyber universe. It made me wonder,  how many would pass the 4 AM test? Oh yes, my proverbial 4 AM test. What is the 4 AM test? It is simple; who can I call at 4 AM knowing he/she will without hesitation, come to my aid?

To tell you the truth, the numbers are not looking good, but on the bright side I do have a handful of them. So, look at your FB page or LinkedIn or any other social network site and ask, out of all those, who will pass the 4 AM test. Remember, even if only one does, you made it!

Happy connecting!

Passover 2014 ( If I had a Dyson - Update)

A little over a year ago, I started my journey in blogland. My very first post was about the dream of having a Dyson and clean everything out.  A year later, I am very happy to say, I do have a Dyson; and yes it is living up to its reputation.

In less than 2 weeks, the Jewish world once again will start its cleaning frenzy. Passover is upon us yet again. The holiday is a constant reminder of our work in progress. Each year we vow, that we will get rid of the things and yes, people, that are hindering us. Each year, we evaluate what we have achieved in that department; and each year we realize the work has far been over.

Passover is a great time to ponder about freedom. The very core of this celebration is about freedom individual or otherwise. Each and every one of us defines freedom in a unique way. Freedom is precious but comes with great responsibility as well.

Moses knew this, Moses realized what a tremendous work lay ahead of him. How do you wake an entire nation up, a nation that lost its self worth, and show them the way out of slavery? What kind of person do you have to be, to dare to go ahead?

We could all be Moses, and have the capacity to deliver ourselves from bondage. What do you want to be free from? If you know the answer, the path towards freedom can be mapped out easily.

Chag Sameach!

Noah

We all love stories;  throw into the mix action, gore, revenge emotions and some disaster elements, you'll sure have a winner. This time, Hollywood reached out  to Genesis chapters 6-9. Religious or not; believer or not we are fascinated by those stories played out in a time where everything could have been possible.

The story belongs to Noah. Hearing the name many things come to mind like; Flood, Animals, Ark, Dove , Olive branch and Rainbow. Children love the tale of Noah rescuing all those animals. We do tend to simplify it as world gone bad, time for destruction, last minute save by a stubborn guy called Noah.

However, in this action packed movie we may overlook one thing; Noah himself. Forget about the grand plan of G-d cleansing the earth from his creation (obviously the prototype did not turn out too well), building a vessel that can hold thousands and thousands of species, executing the great engineering undertaking of all times. Forget all about that and focus on the Man.

How scary it might have been for him, to uproot his family, to step out of his comfort zone, to face all those people thinking he was crazy. How lonely he might have felt, how determined he must have been to carefully plan each step of this tremendous scheme. Noah had to confront himself just as much as he did others. How many times did he question the sanity of all this? Could he count on his family at all? Would he have the strength to go through it?

How do you deal with the notion of being chosen to live and witness the destruction of others? Would that make you feel humble or superior? How do you reconcile your free will with following a Power you have never seen? It is a lot to take in on any day, just imagine on a day  when the World comes to an end.

Was Noah a happy man? I don't think so. Was he hopeful? Absolutely! Did he deliver? By judging the last 100 years or so, I am in doubt. Is it time for another Flood? The optimist in me says; no, we can still work things out.

What do you say?

Tax Season

Welcome to the Annual North American Spring Ritual a.k.a. Tax Season!

Tax season for most professionals actually starts in January and can go up to end of June. Six months of number juggling, culminating what is known as April Madness. If you have a significant other who is a CPA, you may become a temporary Tax Widow.

This time of the year is more about anxiety than enjoying the first warm Spring days. Whether you believe in taxation or not, you must file. Either you give it to a professional or do it yourself, cannot escape the fact you have to pay your dues.

You may have to pay a lot, or a little. You may not have to pay anything at all, or you may end up receiving monies owed to you. No matter, the process of getting there is stressful.

If you had to file a return on your Life, what would it be? Would you owe? Would you be even? Would you be owed?

Happy Filing!

Who will take care of you - The Immigrant Dilemma

Congrats, you were brave enough to get up and leave. You followed your dream, or chased an ideal; nevertheless you arrived to another country. Your journey wasn't smooth, new language, new culture, new ideology, new everything; but you made it.

Through sheer determination, got into school, got employed, built a career and a family. If you were lucky, your children knew the language of your homeland, could talk to their grandparents, your parents. When you left, you did not think the day would come when you would have to make a decision.

Your are in your late forties, early fifties with elderly parents and a nagging conscience. They are there, you are here. What do you do? They didn't come when they were younger, because life was good back then. They were satisfied with the occasional visits, marveled by the consumer paradise they saw, but it was not home. No matter how many times you tried to convince them, they did not budge.

Now, you may only have a mom or a dad. He or she is alone, facing illness or declining physical and/or mental capabilities. If you are fortunate you have siblings who stayed and can take care of them. What if you are an only child?

You are in no man's land now, pulled between your past and present. You want to be a good kid, but how?

The Immigrant's Dilemma, go or let go?

Sochi 2014

Olympics, the word itself creates grandeur. Once in four years the world gathers to watch the most dedicated among us to reach beyond their own limits. I wonder what the ancient Greeks thought when created the first event in 776 BC.

One thing they had in mind is to cease all hostilities while the games were on; and they did. Fast forward couple thousand years,   the ancient spirit of the games were resurrected once again. The premise was quite similar, bring mankind together in fair competition, bridge gaps, promote fairness and peace and most of all, create an environment free of politics. Noble intentions right?

Somewhere, somehow along the way, the games have lost sight of those principles. The very essence of the games was desecrated in the 1972 Munich murders, slowly but surely the Olympics were taken over as a stage for political propaganda.

As we head to Sochi, tensions are heightened. The possibility of  a large scale terrorist attack looming over the organizers. Travel advisories have been issued, the venues slowly will resemble to a top secret army complex rather than what it supposed to be; a place of joy and triumph.

If the ancient Greeks could do it, why can't we? Let's pay tribute to the ones who are daring to push the boundaries of physics, the ones who are brave enough to sacrifice so much on the altar of excellence. No one has the right to take that away from them. I want the Games back as they were supposed to be, free from ideology, politics and power struggles.

I honor you, Athletes of Winter.

Ernie & Bernie (and no they are not cartoon characters)

I am not the biggest NBA fan around, although I do love my Toronto Raptors, but there is one story from NBA Land, that captured my heart.

On TSN2 I had the pleasure to watch the wonderful documentary on Ernie Grunfeld and Bernard King. Those two are defining everything I hold sacred, true friendship. The documentary gave a very candid look into their lives from their days at the University of Tennessee through their NBA career and beyond.

What an unlikely duo, the black kid from Brooklyn (typical , stereotyped poor kid) and the Jewish immigrant from Romania who made his home in Queens. On the surface they may have been a mismatch, but at a closer look, it all makes sense.

Both kids, although from very different backgrounds, wanted to prove that they are worthy. They both wanted to be accepted in this huge social experiment called the Melting Pot. They both found their outlet in basketball. Their story could again reinforce the stereotypical  "only in America" view of success. We could focus on the glamour, fame and respect their game brought them. However, I cannot shake Bernard King's words when he said, they can retire your number, you can be indicted into the Hall of Fame, but you cannot forget the policeman hitting you with the butt of his side arm for no reason. That lives with you forever.

Ernie and Bernie have proven to us, what matters is talent and passion in whatever you do. Their friendship withstood political turmoil, religious differences, racism and any obstacle you can imagine. I want to believe that this is the norm and not the exception.

Do you have your own "Ernie" or "Bernie" ?  I do.

Under the radar genius

Yesterday we put on those good ole vinyl records. Music and words from nearly half a century ago, resurrected in the quite suburbs.

Then I heard it "You can't run away forever, but there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start" and stopped. The words were familiar, the sound was familiar but somehow something did not add up. I realized later that the song was known to me, but by another artist, Meatloaf.

I love Meatloaf (not just the artist but the food too), I have always found his music non-conformist. The lyrics as they unfolded, opened the door into another world. It was true poetry. Later I discovered, that behind the music and most importantly the words there was one man, and one man only ; Jim Steinman.

He is truly the under the radar genius. I am not sure how widely known that he is behind some of the forever classics of the 20th century.

How many of us know one "under the radar genius"? Those people who are not publicly known, but create immense value to all? Do you know or have  a "Jim Steinman" in your life?

Let me know if you do.

Resolutions New Year or Not

January does that to you - this is the time for resolutions and many of them. I have only one resolution for 2014 , not to have any.

I believe there is no need for such things, you have already committed yourself to a path. You only need one continuous resolution that is: be yourself!

I am determined, even more this year, to reach my goals (and I do have many) by remaining true to myself.


What is your New Year's resolution? Let me know through the year if you are close realizing them!

Have the best year ever!!!! Happy 2014!

Man of the Year

Before I go on, let me make something clear, I am not a Catholic, not even a Christian, I am a Jew.

Time magazine named Pope Francis Man of the Year. Who is this man from Argentina who took the world by his gentle storm? Why is he so appealing to many (not only Catholics)? I listened to the experts on CNN, analyzing the Pope Francis phenomena, though they were right in their conclusions, mine was somewhat less scientific and more simple.

Pope Francis, as we Jews would say, is a mentsch. In Yiddish, this means a person with integrity (more or less). In my mind he is nothing more than a Man , in the real sense of the word. I watched the people listening to His speech today. Many of them did not even understand what he was saying, but there was no need for it. It was understood, you didn't even need an interpreter. He delivers the MESSAGE loud and clear. Live your lives as humans, shed yourselves from religious dogma, see the people around you as people and not objects.

Christmas or not, the World was not a peaceful place today. Maybe, just maybe we should listen what the Man of the Year has to say.

To my friends who celebrate it, say Happy Birthday to the most famous Jewish kid in history. As to the Man of the Year, you may just pull it off, unite not divide.

Have a good one everyone!

White Blanket

I watched as the perfect snowflakes touched the ground. One by one, they dusted the street, then their dance, so elegant, picked up and became frenzied. The frozen waters from the sky shed their aristocratic move, and came down hard.

What once was dark pavement, became white. Tree branches bent under the crystals and garbage left on the lawn disappeared. I wondered, how easy it is for this winter blessing to erase what is wrong. Covering us with its protective white blanket, muzzling the sounds around, banishing the ugly and grey.

I wanted to have a white blanket, I wanted to put it over the questions, I wanted to pretend that everything is pristine and innocent. I wanted to forget the cruel world out there. I don't have a white blanket, nothing can be covered, I have to face what is under it.

The snowflakes touched the ground, whiteness engulfed the street and I saw it; PEACE and SILENCE tangled up in one hovering above me. Come, cover me with your white blanket!

Finding the Magic

Once a year, in the month of December, many of us becoming wild eyed kids, full of anticipation. You can feel it in the air, on the streets, even on the subway. The month has this mysterious aura about it. Whether or not you celebrate Christmas (which I don't), the annual hunt for magic has been declared.

It is difficult not to give in to the bright lights, the special smells, the snowy landscape - if you live in the Northern Hemisphere- and the promise to receive something. This time of the year supposed to be magical, but what is magic?

We humans, seek out new things, constantly looking for THAT special thing or someone. We are eternal magic hunters. We may think magic is unattainable, it is surreal, even paranormal. If we find something exciting we equate that with magic, but once the novelty wears off, we are ready to discard it and look for the next thing.

Magic is constant, all encompassing and has one source, YOU. Yes, YOU hold the key to perpetuate this wonderful thing called MAGIC. It is within you, no need  for special dates in the calendar to bring it out.

Before you run and dive into this artificially enhanced magic hunt, take a step back and look no further than yourself. You are nothing short of being this exciting, radiant,  mysterious being. Your inner magic overflows, becomes contagious and in no time everyone around you will find THAT THING they have been looking for.

Christmas is only one day, YOUR magic is eternal.

Have a wonderful December!

Neverland

I am torn between my two advisers, Reason and Dreams. I have been accused of the latter many times in my life. Me, the dreamer; me the visionary; me the one who sees a bright future. Many of you may say, that is great, dreamers are the ones who propel the world. Visionaries the ones that make things happen. Those who see that bright future are the givers of hope.

I wish life would be that simple. Yes, I do have a dream, I do envision great success and I for sure, see a bright future. However, it does not matter if I can't bring them to life in reality. That's when Reason takes over and starts to nag me. Constantly being on my case, relentlessly questioning me if I have done this or done that. Reason is on a never ending audit, putting all my decisions, actions under the cruel eye of a microscope. Reason has a habit of not letting it go.

As you see, I am in a bind. I would love to be in my Neverland, I would love to have fairy dust sprinkled on me, I would love to fly and float over the Ocean of Possibilities. I would love all that, but that stubborn, hard headed Headmaster called, Reason keeps me in line.

The trip to Neverland has been postponed for the time being. Me, and my old buddy Reason, will grind it out until I could have that boarding pass to Neverland. So, my dearest friend Dreams, be patient; I am on my way.

Malala and my grandmother

A fragile teenage girl from Pakistan has become a symbol of perseverance, will and sheer determination almost overnight. Her story reminded  me of another one, set in a small village in Eastern Hungary, a century earlier.

The story is about a little girl who had a passion for knowledge, the desire to explore and a dream of becoming a doctor one day. In her case neither the passion, nor the desire was enough to get her an education. She was allowed only to finish 3rd grade. She had two strikes against her from the beginning. One, she was a girl and two, she happened to be a Jewish girl. Schools were operated by the church (either Protestant or Catholic) back then, and only a certain amount of Jewish students were accepted. Girls were not given a priority, so as soon as they learned to read and write, they were out.

The little girl grew up to be a wonderful and strong woman. Without a formal education, her instincts, intelligence and inherent smarts helped her navigate through the maze of life.  She did not  become a doctor, nor a lawyer, but her passion for knowledge never faded. This strong woman was my grandmother, Olga.

Malala and Olga,  on opposite ends of the religious and geographic spectrum, shared very similar experiences. The difference is Malala has a voice now. She won`t be ignored nor silenced.  Malala is a hero to many, Olga is the biggest hero to me.

What do you like in your...?

Often we are focusing on what we don't like in our ... (you fill out the blanks). Me, being an eternal optimist I would rather focus on what I DO LIKE in my life, kids, significant other, parent, work, social life (the list is long).

So, for starters I invite you to tell me what you do like in your significant other (if you have one) or what traits are important to you to have in a significant other (if you are still looking for that special person).

Here is my list what I LOVE in my significant other:


1. His brilliant mind

2. His patience

3. His sense of humor

4. His spontaneity

5. His willingness to be a kid once in a while

6. His down-to-Earth nature

7. His smile

8. His sports analysis (ranging from baseball through soccer, hockey to basketball)

9. His integrity

10. His faith in me


This is by no means the entire list. Oh, I almost forgot his good looks doesn't hurt either :)

Let me know what you like/love in your significant other. You never know, by making a list, you may re-discover the very reasons why you tied your life to that person. Don't lose sight of it!!

Elul - Seek, Search and Draw Conclusions

To most people in the Northern Hemisphere, August is a fun month. Many take exciting vacations enjoying what the Summer has to offer. While August promises relaxation, careless leisure and adventures; for a very small segment of the population, the month promises something entirely different.

This year, August coincides with the Jewish month of Elul. Most of you, don't even know what Elul is. Elul is the 6th month of the Hebrew calendar. The name comes from the Babylonian Exile, has several meanings, one is Harvest (from Akkadian) and the other is Search (from Aramaic). In this case the Aramaic meaning hits the nail on its head. According to tradition, in this period, we all should search our souls, take inventory, seek ways to reconcile not only with others , but also with ourselves. For the religious among us, it is a recurring ritual (blowing the Shofar, reciting Psalms and say special prayers Slichot ) a yearly reminder about ourselves and our deeds of the past year.

But what about us, the less than or not religious at all? Shouldn't soul searching, seeking reconciliation be an ongoing event? Why do we need a designated month to take ownership over our actions? Should fear over punishment guide us, instead of reason? 

Too many questions and very few answers. In the meantime, I am making my own inventory, just in case.